For the longest time, I've been asking myself what my reason for living is. I've had the chance to try a lot of stuff and so far nothing ever came close for me to start realizing that sense of fulfillment. 

I've been a teacher. To be able to help children and feed their minds with knowledge and practical information, it was a good first job indeed, but it all too soon got boring for me. I wasn't happy that I was helping children learn anymore. Even the most mundane things surrounding my teaching career irked me such as walking from place to place, commuting, even the tremendous heat of the sun made me angry.

So I tried something new.

I tried opening up a restaurant. I felt proud at first considering at a very young age, I was able to start my own business. I was definitely happy with that. But now, it's gotten all complicated. As I've said with my previous blog post, things with the restaurant are on a HALT. I want to expand and grow as a brand, but things haven't been going my way. So now, I'm sort of losing hope with it.

In between these shenanigans..

I tried looking for a boyfriend. I tried looking for a lasting relationship. I'm with someone now and I'm happy, but that still didn't make me happy as how I want to be happy. There was still something missing. Not with my relationship, but with my life. There was still something missing in my life.

In the last few days, I've discovered the thing that was missing.

What was I missing you say? I was missing the fact that it should be ME that should give meaning to my life and not anything that I did. I should be able to tell myself that living day-by-day has meaning, given of course by me.

And so that's what happened.

I BECAME AN ATHEIST EXISTENTIALIST.

I'm now happier. Definitely happier.

I'm saying my sorry my dear readers - if there are any of course - for being out of the radar for so long. I actually have no good reason as to why I've been out of the loop, I suppose I just ran out of ideas to put here, plus the fact that I've been trying to focus on my restaurant.

Anyhow, I've met a lot of friends the past few months that I've been gone and I've made a lot of recipes too. Well, I've never told you my dear readers but I'm actually a CHEF, and I kinda own a cute, boutique restaurant somewhere in the metro (for more details, you can actually PM me).

Well definitely there were also bad things that have happened. My hand was placed in a cast November last year. I wore the stupid thing for at least a month and it left a permanent damage to my hand. My doctor advised me to undergo surgery for my hand, but I was THAT much of a leftist that I didn't do what was asked of me. So my hands now look like shit. But they don't look too bad, at least imho.

December was quite something for we didn't celebrate Christmas that much as my aunt just died a few months before Christmas, and as part of the tradition of us Filipinos, celebrating Christmas when someone just passed away was taboo. Though when Christmas time arrived, my restaurant earned a lot. That's one thing I'm happy about.

Gonna tell you about January and February 2012 on the succeeding blog posts. 

Toodles

#Now Playing - The Saturdays - Died in Your Arms

I've been gone THAT long.. DAMN!

Not to worry though.. Things will light up for this little old blogsite of mine.. I might even put a few more poems that I wrote during the time I was absent.. :)

Cheerio!

It has been almost a year since I posted anything on this "interweb" journal they call LJ. It's not that I've been lazy, it's just that my life has become - dare I say it - BORING and MUNDANE.

There...

BORING and MUNDANE.

For quite a while, I've been doing this blog posting rants and raves of whatnot and whatever it is that I see around me. It's not that I haven't been seeing anything worthwhile or even the least, interesting, it's just that I think I have become boring.

I honestly don't feel like I'm the weird fat kid in high school. I'm now this handsome, good looking -apparently- person. At this age, I don't feel like I have to fit in because all my life, I never did. I don't know, call it flaunting or what have you, but there are nights when I feel like I'm not myself anymore. The thing that irks me about it though is that I don't know if it is a good thing or not.

CHANGE.. They say it's good, but why do I feel like this, if it is so?

I've become plain as day, I've become one of the crowd.

If it isn't CHANGE, is it maybe because I'm AGING? Is this what they call a quarter-life crisis (if such a thing does exist) ?

Should I just accept the me, now or do I keep on trying to figure out how to get back to the weird me?

The more I go on about my dilemma, the more questions present themselves to me. Definitely frustrating to say the least, and I'm in my late 20's already. Stupid right?